You know your life is too busy when you don’t realize till noon that it’s Thursday and you were supposed to weigh-in 6 hours ago. FML! Weekly weigh-in postponed till Friday.
I have three work lunches and plans every evening. Two nights I have meetings for my volunteer work, a friend visiting from out of town, and a friend’s band is playing at a bar near my house.
little extremely nervous about staying on track. With the exception of my friend’s band, all the evening plans run right through my workout times and meal times. F.
Since it doesn’t look like I’ll have time for the gym or to fit in jogs during the daylight hours I’m going to try to do a couple videos at home and extra work on the mat.
Ugh. I really don’t want to let all of this extra stuff become excuses for getting off track. I’m extremely envious of those biggest loser folks right now. It seems a lot easier to lose weight if there is nothing else getting in your way.
178.6 lbs. Down 1.2 lbs from last week.
I have to say this may be a miracle, more or less. I have no idea how I lost any weight at all. I’m just going to take it as sign for the universe that I’m supposed to be getting motivated, not depressed and giving up.
Onward and lighter folks!
So, I need to be really honest now. I am struggling hard, every day. It’s the food, it’s the working out, my inability to find motivation. All of it. I don’t know what happened, but I’ve completely lost my mo-jo. IT’S GONE.
I’m half-assing all of my weight loss and fitness lately. I’d rather just eat everything and care about nothing. HELP.
I was talking with my therapist about this today and I think I’ve been really lucky since January, because I was losing weight as a footnote to all my other issues. Now that I’m healing from this break-up, now that I’m done obsessing, and have started to find my self again all these old issues are back in full in swing. I miss when this came easily.
I kind of feel like a fraud. And a joke, for believing that all this could last. For believing that I was just going to lose the weight and then move forward with the rest of my life. OF COURSE I WASN’T. DUH! I’ve been struggling with compulsive eating for years, I’m guessing it will take years to get to a place were I have a healthy relationship with food.
I’ve noticed with all my troubles lately I’ve basically been shying away from both tumblr and writing in my personal journal. So, I’m going to try and start getting back on track here. I’m going to catch up on everyone’s blogs (sorry I’ve been MIA. Love you all still). I’m going to try to journal at least twice a week.
And I’m going to work really, really hard at being mindful when I eat. I’m tired of feeling weighed down by over eating, of waking up full, of needing to jog just to help get that “over-full” feeling out. I’m keeping food out of my house and office if I can’t control myself around it.
Please, please, feel free to call me on my shit. If you see me slacking or not showing up on Tumblr or whatever. CALL ME OUT, seriously. I need it.
Ugh. I’ve had the stomach flu for the last couple of days. Bad for my life, good for my diet. ha.
Luckily, I felt a lotbetter today. Made it to work, out for a jog, and to the spa to get a little facial grooming. I’m ready to take on life again.
Today I ate 1248 calories and burned right around 330. I’m packed my lunch for today, pre-tracked all the meals and I’m on track to make it to yoga. Yay! It feels soooooo good to be getting back into my groove.
I feel like I need to be really happy with that. And keep moving forward. Even though I’m not! ugh.
Today there is a beer and pizza happy hour event at 4pm for my office. Ummmm…. NERVOUS. Can’t decide exactly what actions to take here.
I have yoga at 8, but may or may have time to go home for dinner depending on how late I stay at the bar.
I think I’m going to bring a protein shake and have 1 small slice of pizza and skip the beer. I don’t think I want to beer drink before yoga, just doesn’t seem appealing. Hopefully, this will keep me full through yoga class and then I can make a quick egg white omelet or veggie patty when I get home.
Bah! And I have a dinner with friends on Thursday. It’ll be easier to stay on track when I can order my own food, but still. NOT IDEAL for my get back on track week.
I just updated my weigh-in page. I had to put my first gain up! Boo!!!!
I really hope I didn’t do so much damage over the weekend that I can’t reverse it this week. If I don’t lose that’s fine, I just really don’t want to have to post a gain two weeks in a row.
Calories In: 1,433
I worked out pretty hard (for me). And since I haven’t been doing much, and I’ve been eating A LOT lately I think this was a great day. I wanted to be closer to 1,300 calories, but since I worked out today I think it’s fine that I’m a bit over.
I think I’m going to report in for a few days this week, just to provide a bit of accountability which I clearly need right now.
I’m officially doing a weight loss blog walk of shame.
I’m not sure how I let so much time get between me and healthy habits. So much time between me and my desire to write on here regularly and keep myself on track lots has happened. I think I’m at that place between starting to try and make a lifelong change and actually making the change. I’ve been pretending for the last three weeks, that I am doing fine, I’m still on track. But, I’m not. “Fine” has turned into chips and eating out more than I should during the week and not exercising regularly. It’s turned into frozen pizzas, and Cadbury cream eggs, and mac n’ cheese, and trail mix. So much trail mix. I had a respiratory infection that allowed me to take my jogging from 4 day a week to 1 day a week, even after I recovered. I’ve gotten lazy and a bit complacent. And I think, if I’m really honest, a bit scared.
While I was gone on my unplanned hiatus I officially hit 179lbs, under 180(!) and it kind of messed with my head. Or maybe I’m just looking for excuses. When it happened I was so happy. “I’m in the 170’s!!!! Celebrate.” And I did, but I was also dealing with a lot of emotional shit (RE: my break-up) that week. And I’d been feeling pretty lonely. It’s strange how those old comforts slip back in so quietly and easily.
I weighed in last week, after a week off, at 181.5. Gross. That’s a 2.5lb again. Now over 3-4 weeks of being off track, it could have been worse, but what really disappoints me is that I didn’t use that number to motivate. I took it, felt bummed, but actually started eating worse!
I think I was panicking a bit knowing that as I change my eating habits for life certain things are going to slip out of my life. Like eating most or cough, all, cough of a frozen pizza. Stupid. I know that I love feeling active and healthy more than I’ve ever enjoyed feeling sick and bloated from shitty food. But, well there you have it.
Today I recommitted, but it’s been challenging to stay on track. It’s challenging in a way I had forgot about. I had completely forgotten about all these voices screaming about binge eating in head. I haven’t really been struggling with them since January, because, well, everything else going on in my life has been screaming louder. Now it’s the real test. As my daily anxiety level recedes and I have to start paying attention, and stop flying my eating habits on autopilot I’m really afraid things are going to slip.
But, so far today I’m on track. I have plan for dinner. And a plan to stay on track tomorrow and right now I can’t really take more than a day at a time. So this is yet another start.